Youth Of Today

I do not want to leave anyone out of this, I have a lot of close friends, new and old… and it’d be a bit hard to compile a list of who is the closest…

So I’m just going to say that my closest friends know who they are, and talk about someone who has always been my best friend, ahead of all others.

Jamie was there for me unfailingly for years, and at the start of 2009 while I had been living in another town for a while, trying to sort out my crap, Jamie stopped being able to handle things back at home on his own. I was so consumed with what was going on with me that I didn’t realise that he wasn’t coping without me. I had just decided to move back in a weeks time when I received a call from the Canberra Hospital informing me of Jamie’s attempted suicide. This term, I do not believe is fair or accurate. Jamie isn’t stupid. He knew what he was doing and it hardly qualifies as an attempt, because he should have died, and he very nearly did. He’s been in a coma for the last 2 and a half years. His body was an absolute mess and there is no way of knowing whether or not he will ever wake up, or if he does, what kind of permanent damage there will be to his brain. His body has been healing since then, but he has not woken up. I used to go in to see him basically every day and I still try to get in there as much as is absolutely possible, but unfortunately, due to my own weak health, it is often not safe for him if I’m there. He’s in a very weak state and anything that could be passed onto him could cause further problems. When I am well enough I go in there regularly to shave him, cut his hair, talk to him, read to him, play music for him and take care of him. Other people come to see him occasionally, but I have always been the only true family he’s had, given that his biological family essentially abandoned him. I know that he would rather that I did these things than random nurses in the hospital… or no one. I miss him every single day of my life and my heart is heavy with regret for not being there for him more than I was. 

I love you Jamie, my sweet, kind, funny friend. You were always able to light things up for me in the darkest of times, and I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be there to do that for you.

(Source: lowfidelity)